May 1 - 1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love,

but perfect love casts out fear;

for fear has to do with punishment, and

whoever fears has not reached

perfection in love.

1 John 4:18

^NRSV

 

The Call to Be Covenant Keepers – Part Three

 

For the last few days, we've been talking about cultural factors that are causing a delay in young people assuming the responsibilities of adulthood. Yesterday, we talked about two of the factors …

 

·         The first is economic.

 

Most young adults – in this stagnant economy – would like to be productive, own homes, and have good salaries, but there just aren't enough job and income to go around.

 

·         The second is priorities.

 

With fewer opportunities, too many young people self-medicate their boredom with video-games and TV, alcohol and drugs. Many employers are increasingly leery of hiring a generation who would "rather have fun than do the job."

 

As you might guess, these "delays in traditional adulthood" have a negative effect on marriage.

 

But let me list three more cultural trends that are driving up the age of marriage, and then discuss how all of these factors are effecting modern marriage as a whole.

 

·         Another reason for delays in marriage is fear of commitment.

 

America has a culture of divorce – period. And this means that our young people are generally children of divorce. As a result, many young adults resist "settling down," reasoning, "If my parents couldn't make things work, what makes me think I can?"

 

So their behavior – based on this logic – is to avoid the hurt by avoiding the commitment.

 

This translates, obviously, into the age of marriage creeping higher. (And if I may unfairly generalize, GYZ�  are generally the more reluctant of the two genders to commit.)

 

·         Another trend is the hyper-sexualization of our culture.

 

People like sex. People have always liked sex. But our era is absolutely unique. It is sex obsessed. Our culture teaches that sex is a need – as basic as food, water, and air. Furthermore, our culture has rejected all kinds of moral taboos. Therefore, sex is normative for young people. It's simply "what you do."

 

This hyper-sexualization obviously has a profound effect on traditional marriage. Yes, young couples have always been tempted and promiscuous. But cultural morays once gave an incentive to be married -- in marriage "your itch could be scratched." Now, young people are without this traditional incentive for marriage. And not only does this delay and deincentivize marriage, but "a complicated past," littered with failed relationships, makes the unique one-flesh-union of marriage more complicated too.

 

·         A final factor affecting marriage and relationships is insecurity.

 

In our culture, there is epidemic of insecurity. In general, 95% of us – men and women – are naturally a little insecure. But women have extra reasons to be insecure.

 

Women are constantly subjected to unrealistic body images, causing too many to doubt their beauty and worth.

 

Women are also abused. The rates of sexual abuse are staggering … and horrifying. (Rampant sexual abuse – along with prostitution and human trafficking – do not make the promotional brochures for our modern free-love culture.) But because of this abuse, many women find it difficult to have a deep relationship because it's hard to simply trust.

 

All of us want to be loved. Love means security, but too many people aren't offering permanence and security. This lack of commitment leads to serial relationships and greater insecurity. (And because men tend to offer less commitment, women tend to have less security.)

 

Question: How have – and are – fear of commitment, hypersexualization, and insecurity affecting your marriage?

 

In Christ's Love,

a guy who wants to

make a trade …

I want to swap

fear and insecurity

with perfect love