Apr 13 - 2 Timothy 2:14

charge them before God

not to quarrel about words,

which does no good,

but only ruins the hearers.

2 Timothy 2:14

 

I’m smart. I’m capable. And guess what ... I want to be right! (That’s one reason I argue.)

 

But even more so, I want to be understood.

 

How about you?

 

But what does this mean? For me it means that sometimes in my life I’ll “quarrel about words” and quibble about little things. Why? What am I trying to prove? That I have value? That my opinions matter? That I don’t make mistakes … or, at least, that I didn’t make a mistake this time?

 

Do you see what I’m doing? I’m trying to justify myself.

 

Why? Because deep down there’s an insecure spot in me. (We talked a little about this yesterday, but we need to talk more about it, because insecurity is the root of many of our quarrels in marriage.)

 

In most of us -- and not just me -- there’s a part of us that doesn’t trust (at least in practice) that God has truly justified us. Yes, we may boldly paraphrase Romans 8:31, “If God is for me, what does it matter who’s against me?” But that’s not really the way that most of us live, is it? We want to be right. So we keep justifying ourselves, and we keep trying to win every argument. 

 

And in so doing, we keep separating ourselves further from our beloved, who could show us – in an earthly way – that we are valued and that we are loved.

 

My weakness is that when I am misunderstood, I feel unloved and disrespected? And that’s when I snap, “If she really loved me, she’d listen better.”

 

Do you see the insecurity at the heart of all of these misunderstandings? In terms of self-analysis, that’s ultimately what’s at the root of so many of our communication difficulties. It’s insecurity … or sometimes, an irrational pride!

 

Yes, some folks are irrationally prideful. They are convinced that they are truly superior to others and any misunderstanding must be the fault of the other idiot. (Realizing this is a huge part of self-awareness too!)

 

Indeed, do you have a tendency to think that you’re better than the other person? Are you inclined to act like you’re better than your spouse? If so, it’s time to look again through God’s eyes.

 

As we said yesterday, he calls your beloved a “masterpiece” (Eph 2:10), but with your actions, you’re calling God a liar whenever you intentionally or unintentionally, vocally or subconsciously, view your partner as less than an equal, less than a “masterpiece.”

 

Which are you? More prideful and combative? Or more thin-skinned and insecure?

 

When I’m sparring with Mary Louise, it’s often because I feel misunderstood and, therefore, unloved and disrespected. (Insecure. That’s the direction I lean.)

 

But I need to be honest. I need to remember that I often and willfully ignore, misunderstand, and disrespect Mary Louise too. I’m often impatient and busy, rather than truly committed to conversation. I’m occasionally selfish and frequentlyiinattentive. I’ve been known to be reactive and self-justifying.

 

When we’re fussing and fuming, at least half of the reason why is my fault. I help create the context for misunderstanding, and whenever I feel disrespected, I need to remember that I haven’t always truly respected her.

 

If I want to her to listen better, I need to listen better myself.

 

If I want to be understood, I need to seek first to understand.

 

If I want to be loved, I have to first do better at showing love. 

 

QUESTION: Fill in the blanks based on your frustrations, quarrels, and insecurities: If want to be ___________, I must first do better at ______________.

 

In Christ’s Love,

a guy who, though,

occasionally thin-skinned,

is wonderfully thick

in other areas

(namely, between my ears)