Apr 3 - Ephesians 5:33

every husband must

love his wife … and

every wife must

respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

 

The Love Language of Respect comes from another wise author.

 

Several years back, Emerson Eggerich was both a pastor and a counselor. And his least favorite kind of therapy was marriage counseling. Why? Because most marriages were too far gone before a couple would ever come to therapy.

 

But one day in his pastoral work, he came across a verse from Ephesians. The Apostle Paul said, “Every husband must love his wife … and every wife must respect her husband.”

 

A light bulb went off! “Maybe this was the key,” reasoned Eggerich, “that will unlock relationships.”

 

Trying it in his counseling sessions, he discovered this verse’s amazing power.

 

Now, the principle and the book is primarily aimed at women and the way they treat their husbands. Why? Since women tend to spell “love” in the more “traditional” ways -- flowers and gifts, whispered "sweet nothings" and affirmations, and most of all, quality time and attention – it’s usually men who most need Respect. It’s our Love Language. We feed on it! And scripture says, “every wife must respect her husband.”

 

Eggerich tried this indeed in his practice. It worked. When women showed respect to their husbands – which is mainly an appreciation of their efforts – then men tend to respond by stepping up further. (It’s logical, isn’t it? I mean, the opposite sure doesn’t work! After all, when did harping and nagging and shaming ever produce a more wonderful marriage?)

 

Eggerich laughs. What do you do with husband who don’t do much? You look for tiny glimmers. “Thanks for carrying the trash to the back door. It honors me when you’re helping, and I respect you for it.” (Now, if you can manage to say that last sentence sincerely – and without sarcasm – watch his level of participation begin to grow!)

 

Really! My wife has read this book, just as I have. (We read Eggerich’s book Love and Respect out loud in the car!) I know when she’s playing the “respect game,” saying she respects me in order that tensions may decrease and order may be restored. But guess what: It works!

 

Two powerful things happen.

 

First, “the Crazy Cycle” stops. (That’s Eggerich’s phrase.) It doesn’t matter who starts it, but if I feel disrespected, I tend to treat her with less love. And when she feels unloved, I get treated with less respect. And it spirals. It escalates. But when she plays the “respect game,” my heart is softened, and it treat her with more love. And feeling more loved, she treats me with more respect. We’ve pulled out of the death spiral. We’ve stopped the Crazy Cycle.

 

But there’s a second powerful thing that happens: Respect becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more she respects me, the more respectable I become.

 

And likewise, the more I show love to her, the more loveable she becomes. (And by the way, guys, that’s a command to you: “every husband must love his wife.”)

 

Question: Men and women, are you constantly showing respect, saying “respect,” and celebrating every respectable behavior in your relationship? If not, you’re flushing your most important relationships! (After all, isn’t that what a flush is – a death spiral?) It’s time to discover how respect becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in your marriage and relationships. Start looking for excuses to tell your beloved how much you appreciate, treasure, and respect them.

 

In Christ’s Love,

a guy who’s more

respectable since my wife

read Eggerich’s book

– she builds me up and

respond with more and more

respectable behavior