Apr 20 - 1 Corinthians 13:1

If I speak in the tongues

of mortals and of angels,

but do not have love,

I am a noisy gong or

a clanging cymbal.

1 Corinthians 13:1

^NRSV

 

Let me tell you the problem of conflict with my wife.

 

The problem is that I love her.

 

People I don’t care about can’t really hurt me.

 

Yes, I care a little bit about the opinions of others. (Just a little … especially the farther they are from me.) But the closer a person is to my heart, the more their opinion matters to me.

 

Therefore, when the person I love the most in the world is angry with me … or sarcastic to me … or seemingly disrespecting me … it hurts. She may not be intending to hurt me (or disrespect me), but it still hurts.

 

And guess what … my anger, sarcasm, and disrespect hurt her too. I am often “a noisy gong [and] a clanging cymbal.”

 

So ... why do we hurt the people we love and who love us? It’s because we live so close together. We rub up against each other too often. (Now, sometimes all that rubbing is pleasurable!) But too often all of this friction is like sand-paper.

 

We all have bad habits. We have irritating quirks. Intentionally and mostly unintentionally, we speak harshly. We forget to do some things, and we leave other things undone. We fuss and fight. We defend ourselves. We justify our actions. We’re on different schedules, leaving the other person with unmet expectations. We are noisy gongs and inane cymbals.

 

Let’s all say it together: We’re a mess.

 

He’s a mess. She’s a mess. We’re all messes. And we hurt each other because the other person matters so much to us.

 

Wait! Read the last part of that last sentence. It’s “because our beloved matters so much!”

 

Did you see it? There’s the building block. There’s the reason to keep at it. You matter to each other!

 

And here’s the real secret to resolving marital conflict … assume the best of each other!

 

You do love each other. That’s why you’re together in the first place. So assume the best of each other!

 

When you have two ways to interpret things – “Did she mean it when she said, ‘Yes,’ or should I read more into her tone?” – assume the best!

 

“Did he intentionally not clean up the kitchen like I asked?” Assume the best!

 

Assume the best. Assume the best. ASSUME THE BEST!

 

QUESTION: Are you actively assuming the best of those closest to you?

 

In Christ’s Love,

a guy who had this

principle help transform

his marriage