Then they began motioning
to his father to find out what name
he wanted to give [his newborn child].
[Zechariah, who have been made mute]
asked for a writing tablet and wrote,
“His name is John.” ...
Immediately his mouth was opened
and his tongue freed, and
he began to speak, praising God.
Luke 1:62-64
NRSV
Communication! What is it?
It’s simply the exchange of information.
It sounds simple, right? But it’s not. As we see in today’s verse, communication is written ... and verbal ... and hand motions ... and still it is more.
Communication! Marriage counselors will tell you that difficulties in this area are at the heart of most marital difficulties.
Therefore, to bless our marriage, we need to understand what communication really is … and why something that is apparently so simple causes so many monumental problems. (Better communication – and thus better marriages – will be the goal of these next several days. But first what is it?)
· First, communication is what is factually said (or written). We could say simply, “I am going to the store.” It’s clear and factual. (But as we’ll see in a minute, it’s not very clear.)
· Second is context. When I tell you that I am going to the store, I haven’t told you what store … or when. Sometimes, though, the context give us clues? For example, if I’m standing beside the refrigerator with an empty milk jug in my hand, you might guess when I say this that the store that I am going to is the grocery store. But did I tell you when? Will it be right now or tomorrow after work? Context is huge, but do you see how ambiguous that seemingly clear statement can be? How many assumptions does the listener have to make (especially if they’re expecting milk for their cereal in the morning, and they just thought you promised to get it)?
· Non-verbals often seem to say as much as the verbals. What if while holding an empty milk jug, I roll my eyes and say in an exasperated tone, “I’m going to the store.” You’d probably be right to hear condemnation. You might assume that I’m saying, “Since you didn’t do your job, now I have to go to the store to simply eat breakfast tomorrow.” Non-verbal communication is huge! Have you ever heard your beloved factually say, “Yes, I’ll do it,” but with their tone-of-voice they are clearly expressing anger, resentment, or even a passive aggressive refusal?
· Emotion is a powerful part of our communication. I can obvious say the same thing lovingly or with great anger. My emotion when I say, “I’m going to the store,” can convey either, “It’s my joy to help you out, my darling,” or “Why does it always have to be me who does all the work.”
· And what about motives? Am I saying what I truly feel … or what I think you want to hear? Am I telling you the whole truth … or what I think you can handle? Am I straight-forward … or am I trying to subtly manufacture some alternative result?
· And what about assumptions? Do you ever assume that your beloved ought to just know something – like how you’re thinking or feeling? (And do you ever assume that you know what the other person is going to say (or want, or need) before they say it … and you interrupt them, only to find out that you’re wrong … again.)
· And what about the skill – or neglect – of our listening skills? Half of communication is what is said; the other half is actually listening to what is said. Do you listen well … or not?
Communication is crucial.
And complicated.
And generally, communication is an unopened gift. And the more we unwrap this puzzle, the more joy we discover in life. Therefore, better communication – and better marriages – are the goal of these next several days.
QUESTION: How would you rate your communication skills in your most important relationships? How good are each of you at understanding your own spoken and (especially) unspoken messages? How good are each of you at reading emotions, context, assumptions, and other non-verbals? How does this explain your combined strengths or weaknesses in communication?
In Christ’s Love,
a guy who’s
going to the store
(can you figure out
what I mean by that?)
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