June 6-7 - Genesis 28:6

Esau saw that Isaac

had blessed Jacob and

sent him away …

to take a wife

Genesis 28:6

^NRSV

 

I googled "problems in marriage" -- our theme for these next few days. (Thinking about how to avoid and solve “problems in marriage,” of course; not perpetrating or perpetuating them.)

 

Can you guess what the first, big, marital problem on the list is?

 

In-laws!

 

I've written earlier about the Genesis 2 call for men and women to leave their fathers and mothers and cling -- as a first priority -- to their spouse. 

 

But here’s the excuse: "But Scripture tells me that I must honor my mother and father." (Along with the kid who can’t cut the apron strings, a few manipulative parents play that card too, saying those very words to their kids. Indeed, rather than sending our kids out to find a wife – like Isaac did for Jacob – we hold our kids sufficatingly close, not really wanting them to grow up.)

 

So … it is surely true that we must honor our parents. BUT ... you are NOT honoring your father and mother if you are dishonoring or de-prioritizing your spouse!

 

Indeed, what is the best way to honor mother and father? The best way to honor our parents is not to go backward -- living life in the past and still hoping mommy will be the one who bandages our skinned knees. No! The best way to honor our parents is to take the best of their marriage and carry it forward.

 

We are to take the best of what they've taught and modeled and inspired and carry it forward to a next generation. 

 

Not growing up is not honoring our parents -- no matter how much they'd still like to pamper us. No! Rather, a successful, joyful, God-honoring marriage is the best way to truly honor our parents. 

 

Question: All people are gifted (made in the image of God) and imperfect (sinful and falling short of God's glorious standard). That means your parents -- both sets of parents -- are gifted and imperfect. As you think about your marriage, make a loving list of gifts from your parents that you want to intentionally carry forward ... and make a loving list of imperfections that you want to leave behind. 

 

Two notes: 

 

1.    This must be a "loving list" when judging and evaluating our parents -- especially their imperfections. We need to be gracious, remembering that we too have imperfections too (and lest we get prideful, we need to remember that at the moment, we have about a quarter century less maturity than they do -- i.e. evaluate, don't judge!) 

 

We need to assume that our parents did the best they knew how in raising us. 

 

Therefore, by loving ... forgiving ... and improving on what we were brought up with, we break any generational chains and dysfunctions and create a better future. (And that is how we truly honor our parents.)

 

2.    Realize that leaving behind imperfections will take discipline and prayer. Why? Because these imperfect patterns have been ingrained into your unconscious patterns. On auto-pilot, we're accidentally just like our parents -- for better or worse. Prayerfully observe your marital frustrations and see what imperfections you are unconsciously perpetuating. 

 

In Christ's Love,

a guy who is trying to be

as good as an in-law as

our parents have been to us