June 26 - Colossians 3:23

Whatever you do, work heartily,

as for the Lord and not for men

Colossians 3:23

ESV

 

“Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

 

As I write this, Mary Louise and I just celebrated our 28th Anniversary two days ago. We went out for a celebration … because we were “supposed to.” Got there. Found that the place was hectic that night. And went home. We lit a fire in the fire pit and sat quietly side-by-side.

 

We spell “romance” differently than we did as newlyweds. Back then it was more about “doing.” Now it’s about “being.”

 

Now, I know plenty of people who love “being” together by “doing” things – dinners, trips, parties. Awesome. You have your way. We have ours. But that’s not the point. The point is … “being together”!

 

2.   “Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?”

 

That’s the second question in Paul Hudson’s list of the “15 Honest Questions that the Person You Marry Should Be Able to Answer.” (For a few days, I’m combining my thoughts with his questions.)

 

After 28 years, the “rest of [our] life” has included a graying hair and a few extra pounds. It’s included job loss and moves, cancer and surgeries. It’s included depression and anger and whole lot of forgiveness. It’s included three kids and faith and friendships … including a deepening friendship with each other.

 

If you asked me 28 years ago (or even 10 years ago), my answer would have been more selfish. It would have dealt more with how pretty she was and what she did for me. (See yesterday’s discussion if you missed it.)

 

Today, it’s about partnership. I’m not perfect. Neither is Mary Louise. But we’re comfortable together. We’ve grown into the same priorities. We share the same story. We believe the same thing. It took a lot of work to get there, but we love our kids, we love our past, and we look forward to our future (even though it means in sickness and in health).

 

And so maybe that’s the answer to this question – “Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?” Why? Because I want to work.

 

That doesn’t sound very romantic, does it? But you can’t build anything of value without a lot of work. And while I pray that romance fills your moments, the greatest romance is building something enduring together. It’s infinitely more satisfying than the temporary sparks of youth. It’s the difference between momentary happiness and enduring joy.

 

It’s funny. Paul Hudson’s next question is:

 

3.   Will you do the best to keep the romance alive?

 

I think he’s serious about this. Question 10 is basically the same!

 

10. Can you promise to do all you can to keep that spark alive?

 

Paul Hudson says, “Keeping the romance alive … takes … regularly trying to please and impress you, which in itself becomes increasingly difficult with each new year.” And he’s right … if the goal is temporary sparks and selfish needs. But do you see the problem with the pressure to “impress you”?

 

I’ve seen 90-year-olds who still spark and sparkle. But it’s not a performance. It’s a steadfastness and a sincerity … and maybe a little surprise.

 

Jesus told a parable about a farmer, sowing seeds. While he was talking about our relationship with God … we can apply it to our relationship with our spouse. In his story …

 

Some seeds fell among weeds and were choked. Don’t let your marriage get choked by worldly concerns.

 

Some seeds fell in shallow soil and sprouted quickly. That can happen with the expectation to “impress.” But because of lack of depth, those seeds withered and did not produce a long-term harvest. So be deeper than the selfishness of “impression”-based romance.

 

Finally some seed fell among good soil … and when you yoke your marriage to God, he gives us the strength and perseverance to plow the fields of life together. He’ll help you plow past rocks and weather the bad weather. (In fact, that’s question number 5 …)

 

5.   Will you stick through the rough times?

 

But if you trust God to plow with you – through rough time and great weather – he will be the life-force that helps you reap an incredible harvest.

 

That’s what Mary Louise and I are discovering. What we have now is so much better than what we had as newlyweds. (Though we wouldn’t trade those days for anything either!)

 

Now … your way of “doing” things doesn’t have to be just like mine – in fact, you probably will enjoy “doing” a few more things! But the point is this: Don’t invest too much in the temporary! Work on “being” there … together … forever.

 

Question: Is your focus in marriage short-term or long-term? Are you willing to endure the temporary (the plowing and planting) so that you may enjoy the long-term (the harvest and the fruit)?

 

In Christ’s Love,

a long-term romantic

(and the harvest is plentiful)