June 11 - John 13:4-5

[Jesus] took off his outer robe,

and tied a towel around himself.

Then he poured water into a basin

and began to wash the disciples’ feet

John 13:4-5

^NRSV

What's the next problem in marriage? Women's Health magazine reports:

Having a husband creates an extra 7 hours a week of housework for women, while a wife saves a man an hour of housework per week, according to a University of Michigan study of a nationally representative sample of US families.

Ouch.

Many blame that on husbands. (Guys, maybe you need to step up!)

Ironically, though, many blame some of this on women's lib. (Really?!)

Here's the strange story: In the early 1970s, home ownership and mortgages  were approved based only on the main bread-winner's salary in the family, and not upon both salaries (if the family had two families). This usually meant that the men (and their typically larger salaries) were counted, but not the women.

Not fair!

Protests led to both salaries being counted.

And this led to the law of unintended consequences.

Requiring both salaries to be counted -- thus, significantly raising many family's buying power -- caused a sudden spike in buying power. And the market responded. Housing prices almost doubled. And suddenly home-ownership almost required two salaries.

Women once had the choice to work outside the home ... or not. (Freedom.) Now it's become harder and harder for families to afford having mom stay at home. (Less choice, less freedom, greater burden on the family -- the law of unintended consequences.)

And the problems compound: one of the greater burdens, as the opening quote from Women's Health suggested, is that although most women are now working outside the home, they're also still working nearly as hard within the home, still carrying, generally, the majority of the responsibility for cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing.

Risking over-generalization (and, thus, risking being politically incorrect) ... men's hearts tend to support their family by working outside the home ("bringing he the bacon"). Women's hearts tend to support the family through relationships. They tend to take care of the people -- and the places these beloved people live in (the home).

And that doesn't change when the wife works outside the home. In fact, most women wind up working two jobs -- on inside the home, one outside the home. They're exhausted.

Now, men you're exhausted too. You're supposed to be able to go out, work hard, and come home to a place of healing and rest. But … it's not fair to leave your brides working two jobs when you're working just one or one-and-a-half.

Looking around at most suburban American families, men, we need to step up. We need to cook more meals and wash more dishes. We need to vacuum more and change more diapers. We need to wash feet!

Those may not be your gifts. You may be better at mowing the yard and changing the oil in the minivan. So do that ... and ...

Well … "and" is the key word.

I realize those are mostly gender stereotypes. In most ways, there are no officially "assigned" roles. The only real rule is: share time and effort! Husbands and wives ought to divide and conquer ... equally.

Use your gifts, sure. But share your time, even when it's not your gift. (For example, cleaning gutters is not my spiritual gifting. But that's what I was doing this morning. Why? Not because I wanted to. Not because I'm better at it than Mary Louise. Not because it's the man's job. It's simply because in sharing, someone has to cling precariously from the roof and stick his hands in goo. She gets other goo. This one is mine.)

So … men … if your wife is up working, you should probably stand up and work too. Share in the responsibilities. This is a team.

Question: Are you both sharing equally in terms of time?

In Christ's Love,

a guy whose roles

changed constantly

throughout the years ...

with only one constant:

whenever I don't pitch in

equally, there is less joy

all around