June 27-28 - 1 Corinthians 11:11

in the Lord woman is not

independent of man,

nor is man independent of woman

1 Corinthians 11:11

NIV

 

Do you know the difference between dependence, independence, and interdependence? Let’s ask this in terms of growth …

 

Dependence means we’re too insecure to let the other person grow … because you’re afraid they might out-grow you. Therefore, change and growth are frequently sabotaged.

 

Independence may occasionally be labeled a “good trait” in the world, but in marriage it is dysfunctional. It’s often selfish – I’ll do what I want. It’s often disinterested – I don’t really care what you are doing. Ultimately it causes us to drift apart.

 

Interdependence, however, breeds strength. We may each have different callings and different interests. We may go forth and tackle different giants each day. But at the end of the day, we come back together to share our adventures.

 

We celebrate the other person’s growth (not constrain it like a dependent person). Why? Because her growth makes me stronger too. Rather than worrying about growing apart, I am called to take an interest in what she’s learning. I am called to celebrate her victories. I am called to adjust our shared responsibilities to allow her to undertake bigger adventures. And she’s called to do the same for me.

 

We’re on the journey together.

 

Her victories are my victories. And mine are hers. Why? Because we’re a team.

 

Paul Hudson – upon whose framework we’re basing this series reflections – says, “[growing] apart … is one main reason marriages end up being so horrible – people think that there is no greater peak to climb than the one their relationship is already resting on.”

 

Interdependence doesn’t rest! It notices when the other is restless … and encourages them to grow. Why? Because if they grow, the interdependent partner grows too. And that’s why Paul Hudson’s fourth question is …

 

11. Will you grow with me, not away from me?

 

To be more interdependent, try this pattern:

 

·         In the morning, interdependent people help dress their partners for battle. They dress them regally with blessings like encouragement.

·         Kissing them goodbye, interdependent people send their beloved into battle (whether they’re battling the sharks in the boardroom or while teaching a classroom of terrifying middle schoolers).

·         Interdependent people pray for them throughout the day … and maybe even check in to see how the battle is going.

·         Each evening, interdependent people come back together to share their war stories from the day (stories of horror and heroism), to tend to each other’s wounds, and to celebrate their growth and victories together (because for interdependent people, the victories of one are the victories of the other).

 

Question: Is your relationship more dependent, independent, or interdependent? Explain.

 

In Christ’s Love,

an interdependent conquerer