Mar 26 - Matthew 7:12

In everything do to others as

you would have them do to you;

for this is the law and the prophets.

Matthew 7:12

^NRSV

 

The 5 Love Languages. That’s the title of Gary Chapman’s classic book on marriage and relationships.

 

Chapman has astutely observed that each person tends to “give love” in one of five primary ways. Similarly, each person, according to Chapman, tends to respond to one of five “love languages.”

 

The five Love Languages are …

 

·         Gifts

·         Quality Time

·         Words of Affirmation

·         Acts of Service

·         Physical Touch

 

With two stories, let me explain the value of understanding the Love Languages.

 

My primary Love Language is Acts of Service. Mary Louise’s is Quality Time. I sometimes call it “Face Time.” Seeing my eyes and knowing I’m listening spells love to her. To me, love is shown by doing nice things for others and having them do helpful things for me.

 

But here was the problem …

 

As with most problems, problems occur whenever there is stress. When Mary Louise is stressed, she wants “Face Time” … and tends to give “Face Time.” When I am stressed, I give and appreciate Acts of Service.

 

Wait read that again. Do you see what’s happening? When Mary Louise is hurting and needs to know she’s loved (read “needs Face Time”), I tend to walk away to go do something nice. Which isn’t perceived as nice at all! She needs to share her feelings, and I’m in the other room doing the dishes. (I’m saying, “I love you,” in the least helpful way possible.)

 

But that cuts both ways! When I’m stressed (read “frustrated$%#@!”), I need time to cool off! So, to say she loves me, Mary Louise employs her Love Language – “Face Time.” Just when I need space, she’s in my face. Lovingly, of course! (But I don’t perceive it as loving at all.)

 

It took us about ten years to learn the secret of Love Languages (before we ever knew there was such a thing).

 

When Mary Louise is hurting, it’s best for me to sit with my wife, close my mouth, and simply listen. She doesn’t want me to solve her problems with ideas and suggestions, she just wants me to sit there.

 

Conversely, when I’m stressed, Mary Louise has learned to go away and bake cookies. (Gotta love those chocolatey, chewy acts of service!)

 

That’s my first story about Love Languages. Here’s the second. It’s a confession. I’ve only, actually skimmed Chapman’s book! Therefore, what I present is my surface interpretation of Chapman’s depth. (So, if what I’m hinting at opens a door of understanding in your relationship, this week is really an invitation to read more of Chapman himself!)

 

Nevertheless, here’s what I want to leave you with today … Jesus’ Golden Rule was revolutionary. In a world of self-centered selfishness, Jesus admonished us to “do to others as you would have them do to you.”

 

The Love Languages invite you to take a next step: Do to others (not as you would like done to you, but …) as they would have done to them. Or more simply, Love them like they’d like.

 

Question: As we begin to focus on Love Languages over these next few days, how do you think you like to be loved? How do you think your beloved likes to be loved? And are you committed to the Golden Rule – to learning to love your beloved in a way that makes sense to them?

 

In Christ’s Love,

a guy who loves cookies

… and gives time