Dear friends,
never avenge yourselves.
Leave that to God.
Romans 12:19a
NIrV
Let’s continue through the process of forgiveness using our banking imagery …
1. When someone hurts us, they’ve incurred a debt. That’s step one: An Account has been Opened.
2. Step two is the need to Examine the Account. Remember, our goal is not to make a list of transgressions done unto us, but to examine why it hurts.
3. Step three is when any hurt, grief, debt, or transgression is too big for you to handle on your own, you should Go to the Bank Manager. God can give you the power and desire to forgive, even when it’s not with in you yet.
What then is the fourth step?
4
Close the Account
Forgive the person.
Yes, it’s hard to forgive. The debt is often large.
Yes, it’s hard to forgive. There may still be scars. Forgiving, though, is not necessarily forgetting! Nevertheless, until you forgive the debt, the person in bondage is you.
When the sin is big, you want justice. I understand that. But the path to freedom is to leave the justice to God. As it says in Romans 12:19, “Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God. For it is written, ‘I will take vengeance; I will repay those who deserve it,’ says the Lord.”
Forgiving is not forgetting. And your forgiveness does not release the other person of their greater debt which is to God. Forgiveness, then, is simply handing the case over to a higher court. Think of God as your collection agency! Let him be in charge of settling debts so that you can move on with the rest of your life.
And trust God to do this! For example, when King David was caught in his greatest sin, it hurt a lot of people. Nevertheless, David said to God, “Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are justified in your sentence and blameless when you pass judgment.” (Psalm 51:4). God exacted a punishment on David. The world didn’t.
Let that be true with your hurts. As we said yesterday – and not as a cliché – “give it to God.” Indeed, “dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God” (Rom 12:19). Why? Because until you forgive the debt, the person in bondage is you.
Here’s a great irony about forgiveness and unforgiveness: We think we’re punishing the other person when we don’t forgive them. Well … often the other person doesn’t even realize that they hurt you! They go on with your own life. While you, meanwhile, are “smack[ing] your lips over grievances long past … roll[ing] over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come … savor[ing] to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back … [and only really succeeding in] wolfing down … yourself” (Frederick Beuchner).
Let me give you an example: What if I get tied up at work and forget to call my wife and tell her that I’ll be late for dinner. She’s polite. She doesn’t say anything. But inside I’ve made her feel unimportant. And then I do it again. And again. I rationalize it: “Hey, I’m working hard for the family!” Nevertheless, while I may be earning a salary for the family, I’m also incurring a debt with my wife.
But what happens when my wife is polite? I may not even realize that an account has been opened. I’m oblivious, but my wife is hurting. And the question is: Who’s in prison – me or my wife?
Husband and wives … and parents and children … and bosses and employees … and friends with friends … incur debts all the time. Hurts cause distance. But if the other person didn’t really notice (or care about) that distance, then who’s really set free when we forgive? We are.
When we close an account, we set ourselves free.
Question of the Day: How big of a reason for refusing to forgive is wanting to make sure the other person somehow “pays” for the hurt? Are you ready to be free? Pray for the power to do this: “Dear friends, never avenge yourselves. Leave that to God” (Rom 12:19).
In Christ’s Love,
a guy who did show up late
too many times without calling
… and doesn’t deserve a wife
with the spiritual gift of forgiveness
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