Feb 12 - Ruth 1:16

Ruth said,

“Don’t ask me to

leave you and turn back.

I will go wherever you go

and live wherever you live.

Your people will be my people,

and your God will be my God”

Ruth 1:16

NLT

 

Wow, again I might have swung the pendulum too far on a previous day.

 

Talking about extended families is tough!!!

 

The scriptural emphasis on “marriage vs. extended families” must first and foremost be “leav[ing] … father and … mother and cling[ing] to [husband or] wife” (Genesis 2:24a). But did you notice how I defined the relationship between marriage and extended family – “versus” – as if it’s a competition and conflict is inevitable.

 

Here’s what I’ve watched again and again in families: Some of our children’s spouses add to our extended family. And some subtract from our family. That, then, is a good question for you: Are you adding or subtracting from your spouse’s family?

 

I know … I know … sometimes the conflict is the extend family’s fault. Yes, too many families are a bit dysfunctional! There are demands and expectations that are unreasonable … even unhealthy. Too many families are Everybody Love Raymond without the humor. 

 

I know that!

 

But here’s the point, once you as husband and wife are doing your first job (building your own next, talking about issues, and clinging uncompromising to each other), then it’s time to do your second job. You are to honor your spouse by blessing their extended family.

 

No, you don’t have to buy into any dysfunction! Dysfunction, even accidental dysfunction, is sin. It’s not God’s plan. And it’s not your job to participate in that. Nevertheless, it is your job to celebrate any health that is within that family system and to help your spouse remain close to their family.

 

You are called to add to your spouse’s family.  And what you’re supposed to add is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Notice … while all of these characteristics can benefit from our concerted effort and self-discipline, these are also traits bestowed by God (see the Fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23). You don’t have to do this on your own! But you do have to do it.

 

And this is Biblical. Take for example the story of Ruth. Naomi, her husband, and two sons moved from Israel to Moab because of a famine. The boys got married, but then calamity struck. Naomi’s husband and sons all died. Naomi, despondent, resolved to move back to Israel, and she said to her daughters-in-law, “my daughters, return to your parents’ homes” (Ruth 1:12).

 

Ruth replied however, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. I will go wherever you go and live wherever you live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God” (Ruth 1:16).

 

Ruth didn’t subtract from Naomi’s family; she added it. Eternally. And because of that faithfulness, Ruth was not only added to God’s family, Israel, but she became part of the line of King David and Jesus the Messiah!

 

Yes, your job is to build your own family first, but you are called to find a way to say to your spouse, “your people will be my people.”

 

Question of the Day: see below

 

In Christ’s Love,

a guy who learned to love the differences

between my wife’s family and mine

… and I’m very much richer because of

their different and considerable gifts!

 

Question of the Day

·         Getting Married and Newlyweds: Can you honestly say that you are working toward loving your beloved’s family? Indeed, even as you are working to craft your own new family, are you passionate about adding positively to this extended family? What help do you need from God to do this?

·         Married: After your years of marriage, have you both managed to integrate yourselves into your extended families? Why or why not? Now here’s another reason why this is important: The way you handle this with your parents is a model for how your kids will one day handle this with you. (Does this give you any extra incentive to reinvest in your extended family?)

·         Not married: You too may have a dysfunctional larger family. How is your relationship with your extended family influencing all your other relationships?