Feb 11 - Genesis 2:24a

Therefore a man leaves 

his father and his mother 

and clings to his wife

Genesis 2:24a

 

“Here. Take him. He’s your son.”

 

It was 3 AM, and our firstborn was just a few weeks old. My wife was exhausted. She’d been up for hours. Heck, she’d been up for weeks!

 

I stumbled out of bed, took my little boy in my arms, and as I rocked him, I turned on the TV. It was going to be a long night.

 

On the television I found a documentary about baby animals. How appropriate, I thought, with my own little babe in arms. I cooed at the cute little cubs (and pups and fledglings) as my own little cub cooed at me. 

 

That was a quarter of a century ago, and I still remember the one crushing line from that documentary. “After about six weeks,” said the narrator, “it is the mother bird’s job to push her babies out of the nest.”

 

“No,” I wailed, “my boy is too little. My job is not to push him out of the nest!” 

 

Except ... that really was my job. 

 

When a young couple moves toward a more permanent relationship, they may find that some combination of their parents and families aren’t quite willing to let their little birds go. 

 

Some baby birds aren’t really willing to leave the nest either! They cling to their mother’s wisdom and comfort rather than their wife’s. They blame their husband for not being more like their daddy. And when the inevitable tensions mount, too many supposed lovebirds run back home to the nest they grew up in, rather than using life’s in evitable challenges to help build their own nest.

 

Yes, it is fun to use the leaves of pleasure to build our family, but it is usually the twigs of endurance that give a nest its strength and shape and character. And that never happens if we’re constantly flying home to mommy and daddy.

 

As a father, it’s been my job to encourage my son to fly off and create his own nest. As a son, it’s been his job to fly away, to leave his father and mother and cling to his wife.

 

My job is to not rain demands and expectations on my son’s family. But more importantly, it’s his job to stand up when I do! (Indeed, I’m very proud of my son for doing this whenever my supposedly “wise advice” accidentally steps on his wife’s needs.)

 

All families have gifts (hopefully large), and all families have dysfunctions (hopefully small). Most families nowadays are complicated! I’ve known some newlyweds who have to deal with the expectations of eight different parents – four biological and four steps. 

 

But remember your job. As lovebirds, your job is to build our own nest. Yes, we are to respect our parents … always. But we must cling to our spouse! 

 

Question of the Day: See below

 

In Christ’s Love, 

a guy who has learned that

when I follow God’s advice 

and push my boys to fly upward, 

they come back home to me stronger 

and more joyful and more willingly

(and they even begin to want

to bring a new generation 

of baby birds with them!)

 

Question of the Day

·         Getting Married and Newlyweds: In what ways are your extended families a blessing to your (upcoming) marriage? In what ways are they a challenge? Be honest and tell your beloved how they can better stand up for you.

·         Married: For a pastor, there’s nothing sadder than a fifty-year-old calls me complaining about their mother-in-law. After twenty five years of marriage, the apron strings still haven’t been cut. Oy! Many of you still need to have the same discussion as newlyweds on extended families (see above). Others of you need to start talking about how you will release your own children to build their own nest.

·         Not Married: You can play a vital role in families. You’re the outside observer. You can encourage husbands and wives and parents and children to establish healthy adult relationships. In fact, how are you doing with your own adult relationship with your parents?!