May 22 - Proverbs 21:9

It is better to live

in a corner of the housetop

than in a house shared

with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 21:9

 

Ouch!

 

Wives, you’ve been put on notice.

 

(Husbands, this wisdom, though, is true for you too.)

 

So here’s the question: Why do we quarrel?

 

In my experience, it’s insecurity. I feel the need to prove that I am right. And whenever disagreement arises, the logical antidote is to try and prove that my wife is wrong.

 

To prove I’m right, I often try to back her into a corner. I do it with logic, trying to rationalize my point and point out her flaws. Others do it with violence and fists. Both do damage to the other person. Both do damage to the marriage.

 

God does not expect you to abide with an abusive person. If you are being verbally or physically abused – or emotionally manipulated – seek help. If you’re the quarreler, falling occasionally into cycles of abuse, seek help. That’s perhaps the most important thing I can say today. If it’s big, seek tangible help that’s bigger than you!

 

But what if it’s the daily, nagging, irritating, persistent quarrelsome behavior that slowly deadens too many of our marriages. And as always, you or I can’t change the other person, so let’s work on you and me.

 

Why do we quarrel? We want to be right. And why do we want to be right? Because we’re afraid of being “less”? And why are we afraid of being insignificant? Because we view ourselves from our own insecure eyes or the world’s judgmental eyes rather than through God’s loving eyes. It’s a problem of perception. It’s a failure of faith.

 

I’m not saying that you don’t have a saving faith if you’re insecure! Heck, most of us are insecure in one way or another! I’m saying that your earthly focus is robbing you of the joy of the kingdom … and therefore, of much joy in your marriage. You keep trying to justify yourself (the root of much quarreling), because deep down you don’t believe God has truly justified you. You’re looking at fears, failures, and insecurities from a human point of view … and you’re taking it out on your spouse … and you’re robbing one another of joy.

 

Crawl out of the corner you’ve put yourself in … and have probably backed your partner into too (on the far other side of the room). No wonder there’s not enough joy in marriage. Insecurity breed quarrelsomeness. But faith breathes romance.

 

Question: What causes you to quarrel? Examine the roots. Does your testiness begin when you’ve been made to feel “less” than you really are? Take that insecurity to God. Ask him to give you his assurance of your value and worth. And as his truth builds you up, ask him to take from you the bad habit of quarreling and self-justification.

 

In Christ’s Love,

a guy who wants us

to quit living on the roof

and return to the bedroom