May 21 - Matthew 19:2ff

Pharisees came up to him

and tested him by asking,

“Is it lawful to divorce

one's wife for any cause?”

He answered,

“Have you not read

that he who created them

from the beginning made them

male and female, and said,

‘Therefore a man shall leave

his father and his mother

and hold fast to his wife, and

the two shall become one flesh’?

So they are no longer two but one flesh.

What therefore God has joined together,

let not man separate.”

Matthew  19:2ff

^ESV

 

I’m in the marrying business.

 

Sometimes couples stand in front of me and I think, “Ahh … this is good. This is a marriage that will last a lifetime.”

 

Other times I think, “Oh-no. This is bad. I hope they’ll make it through the year.”

 

Often I’m right. Good marriages get better, while bad pairings fall apart.

 

On the other hand, often I’m wrong. The “perfect couple” gets a quick divorce, while the “couple that’s a mess” pushes through to greater joy.

 

What’s the secret?

 

·         We’re all sinners.

·         If we push past imperfections, maybe we survive.

·         If we allow an active God to help in active ways – and if we obey his commands – we’ve got a source of help and hope.

 

I don’t like divorce. In general, I don’t like that our world teaches us to give up too easily. At its root, divorce usually contains some form of selfishness – by one … or both. At its end, divorce is usually an unwillingness to work hard or forgive – by one … or both.

 

And what I really, really don’t like is the consequences -- to individuals, to extended families, to whole communities, and especially to the children.

 

As today’s verses and other similar passages go on, Jesus “allows” divorce. The most common allowance is for infidelity. “Why do you and Moses allow such things?” Jesus is essentially asked. “Because of sin! You’re a mess,” is basically his response.

 

I know divorces that should have happened. I know divorces that shouldn’t have happened. I know people who gave up way too soon. I know usually it’s the weak one who leaves – they selfish at the beginning and aren’t willing to change in the end.

 

I know many who’ve been abandoned.

 

And I know many who’ve been redeemed.

 

And I know many who – in this forgiveness – have received the gift of a new marriage that has blessed them tremendously.

 

I’m a Pastor in Twenty-First Century America. I know in general that we’re a mess on our own. And I know that culture accelerates the messiness. So here’s one last thing that I know: If we want to find joy in life, we need to follow God’s path. Marriage is for a lifetime. It is a one flesh union, designed and ordained by God. And violence – to our souls, our families, our communities, and especially our kids – occurs when we forsake God’s plan.  

 

Please understand, I’m not knocking anyone who is divorced. Rather, here’s what I’d like to say instead: We need to do a better job BEFORE we get married. Yes, romance is nice, but we need to build our marriages on a higher standard involved from the beginning. God is that higher standard. It’s two people committed to His ways … instead of two dissimilar individuals committed to something else (usually, to one degree or another, themselves).

 

If God is not our highest priority at the beginning of marriage, then we’re guilty of courting trouble before we start. Indeed, when we don’t link ourselves to a shared vision – which is God and His ways first, others second, and ourselves last – then trouble will inevitably mount.

 

Question: So … is this your first goal in picking a spouse? And if you’re already married … how is making God your priority your current goal? And what are the ways you are able to do this together? (I know, it’s hard sometimes because you’re unevenly yoked … so, how can you grow in faith in an increasingly joyful way that make God, faith, and church a winsome invitation, rather than an additional barrier to your marriage?)

 

In Christ’s Love,

a guy who likes

God in marriages