T O P P A R E N T I N G A D V I C E
What you fear … it reveals your heart
and determines your results
Fear is a funny word.
In modern English, “fear” almost always means worry, trembling, anxiousness, and falling down in fright.
In old English, “fear” also means “profound respect” – the kind that falls on its knees before king. That’s what is meant when scripture calls us to fear the Lord.
Yesterday I quoted Pediatrician Meg Meeker. Recently, after reminding us that “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom …” (Proverbs 9:10), she made a profound observation about parenting. She said, “we’ve come to place in our parenting where we fear our children more than we fear the Lord … Good, solid, loving Christian parents [honor/prioritize] their children more than they [honor/prioritize] the Lord. … How did this happen?”
In her second reference, I obviously changed the words to “honor” and “prioritize,” but I want us to stick with “fear” for just a minute. What kind of fear are modern parents “taught” by society to treat their kids with?
I’d say it’s both.
First, nice, wonderful, engaging secular parents have no higher priority in their life than their kids. So they pour everything into them. And then Christian parents join the same clubs (or sports teams or scouting organizations, etc.) And as Christians we watch our peers “prioritize their kids.” And we say, “well, I ought to be at least as committed as they are.”
And then we see all this well-intended attention seem to push our kids an inch or two ahead of our kids (at least in the short run) and nice Christian parents become anxious (fearful). And we start prioritizing the wrong things too – accomplishments rather than character (see yesterday’s devotions).
Thus we begin following the world’s priorities “so that our kids won’t be left further behind.”
But, guess what?
More commitment to the world means what? Less time for our higher commitments – including God, faith, character, discipline, solitude, and Sabbath. Soon we join the world. We push our kids a few inches higher while simultaneously destroying their foundation. That’s one kind of fearful response.
The second is the most classic fearful kind of fear. Our culture teaches kids to distrust and disrespect their parents. And we turn them onto it when we turn on way too many of our culture’s sacred indoctrination tools – including television and self-esteem doctrines. Couple our children’s cynicism with the desire for most of us parents to be liked, and parents nowadays are extremely vulnerable.
Thus, for many, our highest goal in raising our kids is that they “like us.”
Wanting to be their friend, we fear their approval.
Thus we orient our parenting around “what makes our kids happy.” If they say they don’t want to do something – including “go to church” – we let their emotions reign in our house.
More and more, the child becomes the god, and Dr. Meeker’s right, we honor, prioritize, and fear our children more than we honor and prioritize God.
(I probably don’t have to tell you that this will have disastrous consequences for our youth because as adults the world will never revolve around them and we’re setting them up for a lifetime of disappointments.)
God has a simple solution. Fear me. And teach your kids to fear me. That’s the beginning of wisdom. And that’s the foundation of all success.
In Christ’s Love,
a former psychology major
who was taught by the gods of culture
and a bunch of psychobabbling lies
to prioritize my kids
… and I was saved (and my kids were too)
when I learned to prioritize God
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