T O P P A R E N T I N G A D V I C E
You are not in charge of
your child(ren)’s success.
We all want our children to do well. But that must not be our primary goal as parents. In fact, it’s a dangerously false idol.
True success comes from character – not accomplishments. Deep down we all know this is true. We’ve seen it!
- We all know that in the long run, character is what produces the enduring accomplishments – like a lasting family, respect from our peers, a dependable track-record at work, and a faith-filled foundation that boldly weathers any of life’s storms.
- Character strives for excellence because doing our best glorifies God! But a performance driven mentality strives harder out of pride (seeking one’s own glory) or insecurity (feeling desperately like one is not measuring up). The twin pillars of pride and insecurity regularly defocus the gift of family, frequently step on or over peers, and is ultimately fragile in the face of life’s fiercest storms
Occasionally, performance-driven personalities will indeed earn big money, climb the corporate ladder, and make notable accomplishments. But with too few spots at the very top, most peter out in the middle and live a life of dissatisfaction and regret (… and often they’re alone while doing this, having shed the gift of family while trying unsuccessfully to attain a long-forgotten goal).
Meanwhile the people of character are joyful and content with whatever life deals them … and even if it’s not a million dollars, they come home to family and friends who love them and they know personally the God who uplifts and sustains them. These are the ones who are truly rich.
Pediatrician Meg Meeker reminded me of this recently. Here’s a few pieces of her insight from last week’s Family Talk with Dr. James Dobson …
What’s gone wrong in our culture in the last forty or fifty years? …
Proverbs 9:10 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom …” [But] we’ve come to place in our parenting where we fear our children more than we fear the Lord … Good, solid, loving Christian parents [honor/prioritize] their children more than they [honor/prioritize] the Lord. … How did this happen?
Well, we know how this happened because very insidiously and slowly over the past 30 years Satan has come in and used the nicest of our friends to just sort of make a few little changes in their parenting under the guise of being wonderful parents to focus more and more and more away from God and onto our children. …
Moms and dads are orbiting around our kids and God is orbiting around all of us in our family.
And this is a very important paradigm to understand – this shift that has taken place, if you go out and ask any garden variety, wonderful, Christian parent what his or her job is as a good parent, they will respond by saying something like, “My job as a godly dad is to provide a lot of opportunities for my child (Great!), to make sure that my child has a healthy self-esteem (Right!), … and by the way, my number one job as a mom is to make sure my child is happy all the time … and that they are successful.” …
Parents have never been so exhausted as they are today. … they’re frustrated … they know they’re not living right … But they don’t know where to go. Why? Because they need to go back to the right starting place.
God is the right starting point. Character, then, is the primary fruit. Indeed, when we train a child’s heart in the way they should go, they thrive in all the ways that truly matter.
In Christ’s Love,
a dad who was fortunate
to have a wife who understood this
much earlier than I
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